Sneezes
by angelwishess
Summary: "Your sneeze. I would've never expected your sneeze to sound like that," Edward answered, his voice returning to a somewhat appropriate tone. "What? You're talking like you've never heard someone sneeze before." A little one-shot in which Edward finds something very... interesting to tease his stoic commander with. No ships.


**Hey guys! I've been binging a bunch of angsty fma fics lately and it's really taken a toll on my heart! T^T I'm also currently working on an angst fic myself and that was initially going to be my first fanfiction ever published, but I decided that I wanted to start off with something else. I need some lightheartedness right now, you know! And as usual, I apologize for any OOCness you may experience as well as any grammar/spelling mistakes! Hope you enjoy this little oneshot! May it brighten your mood a bit if you've been reading too much angst fics like me**

 **Non-yaoi, no shippings. Just pure fluff :P**

 **Disclaimer: FMA belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, so it's no wonder the series was such a masterpiece.**

"Finally!" Edward groaned, throwing his suitcase onto the couch. At last, he could sleep, the older brother thought, his lips curling up into a satisfied smile. Even though he wasn't actually _home_ – by that he meant the Rockbell's house – the couch in his dorm was already quite comfy compared to the dusty locomotive seats.

The two brothers had just gotten home from another mission; the only difference being that it was _much_ longer than any other trip they've been on. There were many train, car, and even boat rides to Kambool, a city southwest of Amestris. The city was mostly surrounded by water, and the inhabitants there mainly relied on ships to get to different parts of the city. Alphonse found the whole idea incredibly fascinating, but Edward absolutely hated it. Every time he went on some type of watercraft, the wonderful feeling of nausea would decide to pay a visit; it certainly wasn't fun. Nonetheless, the trip was a fairly interesting experience, he had to admit. He and Alphonse had learned how to fish, use yachts, and even cook different types of fish in the three weeks they had spent in Kambool. To many people, it would seem like the perfect opportunity for a nice summer vacation, though that was definitely not the case for the Elric brothers. After all, the trip was still a mission assigned to them by the military.

Edward had hunted down a couple of burglars who had decided to use alchemy to help them shoplift in various places while he was there, and in the process, destroyed some buildings—actually a lot of buildings. He knew Mustang would give him a piece of his mind when they got back to Central, but clearly, it wasn't even his fault! Couldn't the Colonel just make the bad guys pay for everything rather than lecture him for ten hours every single time he came back?

But, the sole reason Edward had even agreed to the mission in the first place was due to a rumored "red stone" located in the city. One of the civilians had said that the stone was displayed in Kambool's Central Museum, which prompted Ed to try and steal it. He did end up getting his hands on it, but just as he expected, it was another fake. A con artist going by the name, Dan, claimed to know how to create magical stones that could bring good fortune to anyone who possessed it, earning him the title of the "Great Sorcerer of Kambool." The man's said "magical abilities" was just some simple alchemy anyone could learn if they put in the effort, hell, he and Al had mastered alchemy on that level when they were just ten years old!

Edward sighed and sank into the couch, eyelids growing heavy. He propped his foot up against the coffee table, crossed his arms behind his head, and shut his eyes. That was enough thinking for today; he desperately needed some rest.

Only a few minutes had gone by before the phone on the dining table rang. Alphonse rushed to answer the phone, hoping the noise wouldn't wake his brother up and spoke into the receiver, "Hello?"

"FULLMETAL!" came the other end.

Alphonse quickly held the phone away from his nonexistent ear, nearly dropping it, "C-Colonel? It's me, Alphonse…" he whispered, glancing back at his brother.

"Where the hell is Edward? Tell him to get his ass to my office, NOW!"

Edward's eyes fluttered open from the sudden shouting, "Huh? Al? Who is it?"

"T-The Colonel…"

Edward grunted as if he was expecting the call and yanked the phone out of his younger brother's hand, "The hell do you want, bastard?" he said drowsily.

There was a sigh. "You haven't written _any_ reports in the last two months! You know the military protocol!" Mustang hissed.

"Fine," Edward grumbled, too fatigued to bother engaging in another arguing session with his superior, "I'll come to your stupid office right now. Be there in five."

"You better be!" was the last thing that could be heard before the phone was slammed back down onto its cradle. Alphonse stood awkwardly next to his brother, unsure of what to say.

"Sorry, Al. I'll be back later," Ed reassured his younger brother as he grabbed his coat off the couch.

"…Uh, sure!" Alphonse chirped back, scratching his armored head.

* * *

Edward kicked open the door leading into Mustang's office, yawning. The room was surprisingly empty today. Even Lieutenant Hawkeye was nowhere to be seen. The only person in the room was the man he dreaded seeing.

"Fullmetal, how many times do I have to tell you- "

"-stop kicking the damn door. I got it, I got it," Edward waved his arms in the air dismissively before plopping down on the couch. "Seriously though, I probably have your whole speech memorized by now."

Mustang ignored the teen's comment and slapped a large folder filled with blank pieces of paper on the desk, "Make it legible or I'll have to make you redo it."

"Wha-! But I-! You-! Ugh fine! Damn lazy bastard…"

The Colonel fought the urge to strangle the kid and just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he went back to signing his paperwork. Yet another blatant reminder of why he would never have kids; they were just too much of a nuisance. Hughes made it look so _easy_ , though it was far from that. Mustang never understood how his best friend was able to pull it off, and he doubted he ever would.

After the two finally managed to settle down, a pleasant sort of atmosphere brimmed the office; a casual afternoon breeze occasionally whipped by, softly ruffling the contents on the Colonel's desk. Edward couldn't help but get distracted as his eyes wandered over to the humongous stack of paperwork towering over the desk as a result of the man constantly putting off his work in favor of procrastinating. It was truly a miracle the man still had some dignity left in him…

A clock ticking carelessly away in the background reminded Edward that he should be writing, yet his gaze wouldn't seem to drift from the figure sitting in front of him; the sunlight shining from the window landed perfectly on Mustang's face, contouring it; he could see the onyx eyed man's reasonably angular facial structure more clearly. As much as he hated to admit, Mustang was fairly good-looking for his age, especially from his angle.

Ed observed Mustang quietly from the couch, watching his superior's eyes dart back and forth between several documents he was signing with eyebrows knitted in determination—probably praying that he finishes in time. His golden eyes then trailed back to the blank piece of paper he was holding—all he had written was his name and the date. Cursing inwardly for letting himself get preoccupied so easily, he picked the pen up to start writing his report until a peculiar sound erupted across the room. The noise sounded like it would come from Hayate, but the little pup wasn't even in the room. Tilting his head, Edward looked up, scanning the office just to confirm that Lieutenant Hawkeye's pet wasn't around. When he found nothing, his eyes landed on Mustang's hunched over form.

Roy wiped his nose with his sleeve, attempting to refocus on the papers scattered about on the table. Somehow, the man could sense someone was watching him and instinctively looked up from his desk to have his eyes meet with the younger boy's; he held an outlandish expression Roy couldn't seem to decipher. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "What? Why are you staring at me like that?"

When no response was given, the Colonel resorted to calling Fullmetal's name, "Edward," he said pointedly, snapping Edward out of his bewildered state.

The boy froze, quickly recollecting his thoughts. "…Did you…Did you just sneeze?" Fullmetal suddenly inquired, clearly still in awe.

Mustang made some noise that seemed to be a cough, "What?"

"…I don't know," Edward replied, pausing for a second before continuing, "That wasn't you, right…? It sounded like some kid just sneezed…or a small dog… kinda like how Al used to sneeze when we were younger… But what the hell? There's no one else in here except us…"

"Fullmetal," Mustang said, now annoyed. The boy was trying to divert his attention on purpose, wasn't he? "Quit being ridiculous and get back to work pipsqueak," he berated.

Instantly sparking Fullmetal's fury over his height, he stood abruptly from his seat, paying no heed to the pen and the papers sliding off his lap and screamed, "WHO YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK MIDGET?! I'M STILL GROWING YOU JERK! AT LEAST I DON'T SOUND LIKE SOME DAMN KID WHEN I SNEEZE!"

The Colonel stopped briskly, gaping at the younger alchemist with widened eyes, "Excuse me?" he said, voice raising an octave.

"Your sneeze. I would've never expected your sneeze to sound like that," Edward answered, his voice returning to a somewhat appropriate tone.

"What? You're talking like you've never heard someone sneeze before."

"I have, just not you. It's surprisingly cute, and by that, I mean the way you sneezed, not you. It doesn't suit you at all."

When Edward could see color filling the older man's face, he burst out laughing. "Now I can make fun of your sneeze when you call me short, so take that, Colonel!" the teen said in between fits of laughter.

* * *

 **Don't even ask LOL. This is the randomest idea I had and it suddenly just popped up in my head. Hope you enjoyed though :)**


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